September 30, 2004 - 11:52 AM

Part Two In a Continuing Journey Through Paul's Neuroses

Nick told me that that last entry was awfully depressing, so we'll steer towards something a little more uplifting.

I think I am, to some degree, obsessive-compulsive. Last week, I wrote about how I may have a little bit of a reading disorder; and in many previous entries, I've talked about my depressive moods (which a psychiatrist at Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore diagnosed as "low-level depression". Um. Yeah. I think it was a bullshit way of saying "you're a teenager who is going through depression like anyone else, but you don't want to hear that there's nothing clinically wrong with you, so I'll give it an official sounding name to make you feel like you aren't some schmuck. Here, have some anti-depressants and come see me every week.") It seems like I like to do things at a "low-level"; I'm all about half-assing it. And so it is with my obsessive-compulsion. I'm not full-on crazy with the constant washing of the hands and the neat-freakiness and the everything in order and in its place. I mean, if you ever looked at my room, you'd see little colonies of paper, staking their claim on the floor, guarding their piece of rug jealously against interlopers from the fiefdom of the compact discs, who have an uneasy truce with their larger in size, but smaller in number next door neighbors, the DVDs. And then there are the gypsy bands of discarded garments, who set up camp for a few days in one spot or another, occasionally settling down on top of one of the other kingdoms, but never for too long, before they relocate to the closet.

But when I get the urge, I can't help myself, and I DO have to clean things up and organize them just so. My CDs have to be alphabetized by artist, last name first, and within an artist, chronologically. My DVDs have to be separated into two sections: Movies versus TV shows, and they are also alphabetized. Really, though, that's not highly unusual as far as organizing goes. Just a touch of insanity there.

Then we get to the real nitty-gritty stuff. Like how, when I fill out forms or do those standardized scantron "fill-in-the-holes-with-a-number 2-pencil" sheets, I not only have to check and recheck, but re-recheck to make sure I did things correctly. Most sane people would trust that they did it right the first time, and maybe quickly check it one time, just in case. Me, I'm a smart guy. I am very deliberate when I fill in the information and answers. And yet, I have to go back and verify it multiple times before I can hand it in.

Same with things like rebate forms, bills, paperwork. I just recently sent out rebates for some stuff I bought at Best Buy, and the process went like this: Read over forms; collect UPC codes and copies of receipts; fill out forms; reread forms and check information; make copies of everything; re-read forms; make sure I have all the necessary bits of paper; address envelopes; stuff envelopes; let envelopes sit for a few minutes; reopen envelopes and check to make sure the appropriate UPCs, Receipts, and forms are inside; double check the address; look inside the envelope again; seal envelope; apply stamp; look at stamp to make sure it is enough; then mail.

I think this why I hate having to fill out forms and deal with rebates. The process for me is so taxing. Even after I've handed it all in, I worry for several hours afterwards about whether or not I missed something.

At least I don't have to keep turning lights on after I turn them off, or open and close doors multiple times when I leave a room.

Now Listening To : Ani DiFrancco-Little Plastic Castle
Random Thought : I'm wearing my magic pants today. In normal light, they appear crayon brown. In fluorescent light, they appear drab green

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