December 22, 2003 - 5:15 PM

The Kitten Sleeps Tonight (and everynight)

There's a cat in my lap, and everything is alright.

Newt, my cat, who I've written about before, was very affectionate when I came home last night. It's strange that I'm the only one in my family who isn't allergic to some degree to cats. Maybe I was destined to get Newt. But, since my parents are allergic to her, they keep the doors to the bedrooms in the house closed so that her fur doesn't get on the beds and cause nighttime sneezing, sniffling, coughing so-you-can't-get-rest problems. Being shut out at night, and alone during the day while they are out at my dad's office, Newt must get lonely. Then I come home, and I'm hugging her and skritching her and calling her my baby, pumpkin, munchkin, and she's eating it all up. She follows me around, jumps on the bed when I go to sleep (because I leave my door open), rubs against me constantly.

In case you're wondering why I named her Newt, Aliens is one of my favorite movies. The day I got her, I had worked the afternoon manager shift at the campus center at Amherst (this was during summer break, when tennis camps and summer schools used the college), and during that particuarly slow day, I had watched a friend's tape of the movie twice. Ripley's cat in that movie was named Jones, but that was too generic; then I thought the character Newt was like a kitten. Skittish, quick, good at hiding. So, after work, I went to my friend Rachel's house and picked up one of the kittens she was giving away, named her Newt, and took her back to my dorm room. The name fit her like a glove, too. Actually, I coulda named her Mewt, since she was mute for the first 2 months I had her. Never peeped, never squeaked, never mewed or meowed. Very rarely did she meep.

Last night, as I was lying in bed, though, with her curled up next to me, I started thinking. Which can be a bad thing. Being home is wonderful, but it can also be painful. Not for any familial problems or anything. It's just, well, I can't help but think about mortality when I'm here. Especially with my dad retiring and selling his practice. I'm reminded when I see my parents that they are getting up there in years. Knowing the hearty nature of the Kim blood flowing through their veins, they'll last quite a long time, and remain sharp as tacks well into their grandparent years, but I'm still scared. I wonder which of us kids is going to come home to take care of them when the time comes. If it were now, it would probably be me. Soph is engaged and dedicated to her work and saving up for a house; Phil is recently married, and he and Jen can't leave their jobs at the drop of a hat. Me, I can. I'm unattached to anyone in L.A., business is slow at the studio, I'm not tethered. And really, I would come back to take care of them in a flash, no questions asked. But the prospect of watching them slip away every day frightens me.

This thinking made my despair grow, so I tried to concentrate on the little ball of fur breathing shallowly under my arm, and I realized that she, too, is nearing the time that most cats of her kind pass on. She's a manx, and I read somewhere that the general lifespan of a manx is 8 years. Newt is still sprightly at 7 years, and I hold out hope that her mom's genetic material carries her into her teens (dad was the manx, mom was a mix). But there's always the possibility.

Then I thought about if I'm callous. I'm not sure how I'd react to her leaving. I haven't had to deal with the death of someone close to me. When we had to put our dog to sleep because of a brain tumor, I didn't cry (I was sad, but not distraught). Newt's my baby, but when I think about her not being here, I can't imagine drinking myself into a drunken stupor because she's no longer with us.

For now, I'll just be appreciative of my parents, my brother and sister who'll be coming in on the 24th (my stupid brother didn't coordinate his flight to come in around the same time, much less the same airport, as my sister...he's so difficult), and my life.

And, there's a cat in my lap, and everything is alright.

Now Listening To : WXPN 88.5-Best Radio Station ever. Commercial free, AAA format.
Random Thought : There was a semi truck with a trailer that said Knight Transportation on I-95 last night. I think KITT was inside.

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