June 14, 2006 - 3:34 PM

Things I Learned When My Parents Were In Town

1) My dad has the general smell of old people now. I mean, if you stand right up next to him, he smells like he always does. But if you take a few steps back, you smell it. It's like a bubble of old-people smell surrounds him, that kind of unsettling, sickly-sweet smell. It concerns me. Where does that scent come from? Is it something where, once you hit 64, boom, you carry the aromatic aura of oldness in a one foot perimeter around you?

2) According to my mom and the Chinese calendar that you find as placemats at Chinese restaurants, I should be looking for a girl who is either 4 years older or 4 years younger than me. It's a matter of asian astrology and the Year of the whatever Animal thing. And I should totally, absolutely stay away from girls who have an age differential of 6 years either way. With a 4-year-girl, I don't have to worry about the month or date or day of the week that she was born, just the year; any girl who was born in '73 or '81 will be a perfect match. I could date a girl of any other year (except 6! Stay away from the 6!), but then we'd have to see all the specifics of when her birthday is, right down to the hour and minute she was born. I say "screw that, that's too much work", so I'm just going to focus on girls with a 4-year swing.

Interestingly, J was 6 years younger than me (a-HA!), and A is 4 years older than me (boo-hoo!). Even more interesting, that means I jumped 10 years between the last two girls I was attempting to date.

3) Remember that traditional Chinese Song that I told you was on Hanneke's latest CD, Silver? It turns out that there are Korean lyrics to it, as well. I was playing the album for my parents as we drove on Mulholland Drive, and my dad was tapping and conducting along quite happily. As soon as that track came on, he and my mom started humming the melody, and then my mom sang the words, translating as she went, telling me the story of a flower with no name in a mountain valley that is only visited by the birds and the insects. It was a nice little moment.

4) I think my parents are in better shape than me. We hiked Runyon Canyon, a man made trail that runs through the Hollywood Hills, for around 3 miles on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, and they wanted to do more hiking on Sunday and Monday, but I was too sore to take them. Sure, while we were on the trail, I kept having to stop to let them catch up, what with their slow and steady pace, but I bet they could outlast me on a longer course.

5) Watching the Orioles infielders do "The Move" when they win a game is just as much fun to watch in person as I thought it would be. What happens is, Brian Roberts, the second baseman, and Miguel Tejada, the shortstop walk up to each other once the game is finished. Roberts puts his glove on top of his head and they start what looks like a version of pattycake, only a little more manly but just as complicated, and then finish with a backslapping hug. Then Melvin Mora, the thirdbaseman, comes over and does a variation of "The Move" with Roberts, with a few different stylizations. Finally, Miguel and Melvin do an even more complex version between themselves which ends with them simultaneously jumping in the air.

I told my mom to look out for "The Move" if the Orioles won on Sunday versus the Angels (we were probably about 25 rows back from the field on the first level, third base side, under the overhang of the mezzanine deck so we had a good view of the fielders). As soon as Chris Ray closed out the victory, my mom poked my arm and pointed with a happy grin as Roberts and Tejada began their little dance.

6) My apartment is not big enough for 3. My mom had to kick my dad out of the kitchen area while she made breakfast, even though he wanted to help, because there wasn't enough room. So he just walked back and forth in front of the TV, 5 steps this way, 5 steps that way, and back.

7) That's really hard to deal with when it's 8 in the morning on a Saturday. And 8 AM is LATE for my parents. They're used to being up at 5 AM when they're at home on the Apache Reservation.

8) Of course, it was no problem for them to be up by 6:30 on Sunday (after we'd had a jam-packed day of hiking, shopping for a new karaoke machine in Koreatown for them, visiting my grandmother's grave in Burbank, and having dinner with the cousins), so that Margaret could take us to church for Mass.

9) Margaret saved my butt that weekend. All hail Margaret the wonderful. Not only did she arrange the church outing, thus satisfying my parents need to observe the feast day of the Ascension, but it was a Korean church. We had lunch with her Aunt and Uncle at Denny's afterwards, and then she suggested that we all have dinner that evening at her and Tony's place. I'd not really planned much of anything for the weekend with my parents and was scrambling for ideas (the baseball tickets were spur of the moment purchases online on Friday night when I realized that the O's were in town), so this invitation served to save my butt in two ways. First, it meant there was one less time period to worry about filling, and second, there would be adults with whom my parents could converse in Korean.

10) Three days is just the right amount of time to spend with my parents.

11) My mom likes to jump the gun when she gets excited about something. Like proclaiming my cousin Eddie's girlfriend a part of the family already, or telling me that Phil and Jen are expecting a kid in time for the winter holidays. Totally false. She dropped this bombshell on me when they arrived Friday night and immediately I was considering this the best Christmas present I could ever receive in the history of all time. I called Phil on Saturday, partly because he and Jen were driving into Boston to have dinner with Soph and Gee and our cousin Chris who just graduated from Boston University and I wanted to say hi, but mostly to get the scoop on the maybe baby. Phil laughed and said that he had only told our mom that he and Jen were actively TRYING to have a baby, but that she wasn't pregnant yet and, in fact, Jen was having a beer at that moment with him at a bar. Talk about dreams deflated on my part.

12) Swarming bees are scary. Even if they aren't an angry swarm, but more like a casual flock of migrating bees, crossing the trail just to get to the other side. I dare you to be calm standing in the middle of that.

Now Listening To : Heather Nova- South
Random Thought : It's strange to have my dad, a pediatrician, suggesting we eat McDonalds for lunch.

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