November 10, 2003 - 2:23 PM

We Do What We Have to Do?

To be able to do your job, and not have it be "work", not have it be that thing/place you go to to exert yourself physically and mentally so that you can pay your bills and afford your life, that's what we look forward to, isn't it? Or do we just resign ourselves to the idea of work=money which allows us to have fun? Do we slip into the "9 to 5, 5 days a week" numbness, where the only excitement you get out of work is what can you do with the money you make?

I've been working towards being a music engineer for 5 years now, I guess, with the singular mindset that this is what I'm passionate about. I'm thrilled to be paid to record and mix music. Sure, getting here was often a pain in the butt, but I learned the entire way and was able to justify the annoyances by looking at the goal. If I can get by making a pittance, that's awesome, because I'm getting my excitement AT my job.

This past Saturday, I worked with that producer who I met at the Berklee Showcase last month. He brought in a Berklee grad named Sara Lieb to record two songs she'd written: one, an upbeat, summery tune reminiscent of Letters to Cleo, Suddenly Tammy, and Moonpools and Caterpillars; the other, a yellow, autumn evening song a bit like Lori Carson. The band we had (a guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer) were all reallly great musicians.

Even though I only got paid in food (chicken noodle soup), this was the best session with which I'd been involved in a long time. This reminded me what it's like to work as an engineer on music that I'd actually buy. Everyone involved was a peach, the songs and arrangements were top-notch, the work wasn't "work", you know? What's even better was that I was able to make it all sound good. There were no cringe-worthy elements recorded, which means I must be getting better at this engineering thing.

But non-paying gigs like this don't pay the bills. I've worked 3 days this month. I'm feeling the pinch of sporadic employment in my bank account. Airline tickets to the east coast for Christmas are looking way too expensive for me. I talked with my mom today, and she urged me to consider looking into real jobs, to get out of the entertainment industry. She said that I'm young enough that I can start off fresh in something more stable. I knew she was worried for me, and didn't want to push the issue too hard, but it was still very difficult to hear from her. She and my dad have been supportive beyond belief in my pursuit of music, but I can tell that they've always wondered about the financial security involved in such a field.

The despairing, pessimisstic side of me took her words to mean "drop your dreams Paul...you've taken them as far as you can, as far as we can let you...it's time to be realistic, time for you to join the regular workforce, time to be employed and to get in line with the drudgery." And to be honest, I've been so focused on just music engineering for half a decade, to the exclusion of all else, I don't even know where else to turn to find another career. Do I go to school to pick up another skill set, learn another trade? Do I just send out a resume to companies and become a suit? I don't know. It's overwhelming to consider it all in one moment. I need to digest.

Now Listening To : Anne Heaton -Black Notebook
Random Thought : I'll continue my Homicide episode thoughts in the next entry. promise.

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