January 28, 2005 - 12:11 PM

If You Can't Beat 'em, Denim

Man buys first pair of jeans in 13 years.
Sherman Oaks, CA- paulkim, a 27 year old television Production Assistant, has not owned a pair of jeans since he was a sophomore in high school. In the intervening years, he has worn jeans only twice: he wore his brother's hand-me-downs for Halloween during his senior year of high school, and then borrowed a pair from a friend last year for an unplanned dinner out in a hip neighborhood. But yesterday, the 13-year drought finally came to an end as he bought not one, but TWO pairs of jeans at the Sherman Oaks Fashion Square Mall Macys.

"I don't know what came over me," he told reporters. "I was stopping at Macy's for work to find a little pitcher for coffee creamer. As soon as I stepped out of the car, I thought, 'I must buy a pair of jeans today', and so I did."

When asked why he had refused to own or wear jeans for so many years, paulkim replied, "I went to a Catholic grade school and high school where we had uniforms and dress codes. We had to wear dress shirts, ties, sports coats during the winter, and nice slacks. No jeans. So I got used to wearing comfortable khakis and other light and loose cotton pants; by comparison, jeans were heavy, coarse, and restrictive. And don't get me started on how cumbersome jeans are when they get wet!"

With the long lay-off between purchases of denim legwear, paulkim was bewildered by the myriad of options in the store, from designer choice to color choice ("who knew that there were so many gradations of blue available," he mused) to style and fit choices. "Thank god for these charts that show what the different fittings are, because everyone has different names for whether it's tight, regular, or baggy in the legs, or flares out at the bottom and it gets confusing!"

Patrons and sales-staff alike were puzzled by the shopping style of paulkim. Dimple Winkywonk, a Macy's register clerk, eyed him suspicously as he wandered around the Levi's/Guess/Calvin Klein denim area. "He kept going over the same jeans, reading the tags, looking at the descriptions, feeling up the pants. He'd pick up 2 or 3, try them on in the dressing room, put them back, and then spend another 10 minutes looking before he picked up another 2 or 3 to try on. They're just jeans for Pete's sake!"

Fellow shopper Stealy McTakestuff, a 43 year old mother of 3, wondered, "why is he buying jeans now? They're not on sale. He should wait for one of the sales in February, like for President's day, or Valentine's day, or for Five-Finger Discount day."

paulkim's response of "It was an impulse. I needed the jeans now, and there was going to be no denying of that impulse" was met with a shake of Mrs. McTakestuff's head. "At least he bought two very nice shirts for over half-off the marked price, too" she shrugged.

The two jeans purchased were the Levi's "Low Rise Boot Fit 527" and the Levi's "501 The Original" in rusted blue colors. "I was looking for jeans that allowed for movement in the legs, but weren't so baggy as to allow for little people to live in them. I didn't want that hard, canvas-like feeling that I remembered jeans having, and I definitely didn't want to have tons of pockets and loops and extraneous doodads on them." Price and namebrand were also factors for paulkim. "I'm not a hip person, as this whole 'Jean Thing' proves, so I wasn't comfortable buying any of the big Designer Jeans from lines like Polo, or Rocawear, or Diesel or whathaveyou. Some of those jeans I touched, and they felt like linen, which was weird. And the prices were just outrageous. $150 for a pair of jeans? That already look like they've been worn for 5 years? Are you kidding me? Because I've got a pair of pants that are all frayed that I can sell to you at a discount for a hundred."

His Levi's were more moderately priced at around $33 each. "Usually, when I make an impulse purchase like this, especially plunking down, like, 100 bucks for the jeans and the shirts all at once, I get buyer's remorse almost immediately afterwards. But not with this. I paid a fair price and got some nice clothes that fit well and feel nice. The only thing I'm worrying about is if the low-rise jeans will sit so low on my waist that they'll show off my boxers and my butt crack if I bend over."

Family and friends were unable to be reached for comment.

Now Listening To : Patty Larkin- Tango
Random Thought : Fantasy baseball research has started up. Get ready for the 2005 season now, Tony, Nick, Lance, Matt, and Phil!

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