December 14, 2005 - 11:37 PM

Celebrity Dating

Like a case of Hepatitis (I called the L.A. Health Services Department, and they assured me that we were safe from exposure), the game of Fantasy Sex Camp has been passing around lately. I'm going to copy and paste the rules if you're too lazy to click on the above link.

By the way, Providence Pam assured me that it's not skeevy for boys to play along. Which is why I'm participating. And honestly, I do feel a little grotty doing this. But oh well, I need to update more often, and if this is the stuff to fill up the pages, so be it.

Rules:
You have seven days of dream-dates (all of which, of course, end in mind-blowing sex, hence the title of the game, if, of course, you're into that. You can also just cuddle with your date, if you'd rather). You are allowed to choose one celebrity date for each night of the week and one alternate for each night, in case your first choice dream date is, say, arrested or is away on location. The remainder of the rules are as follows:
1) The definition of "celebrity" varies according to the group with whom you're playing. Basically, everyone in the group needs to be able to pick your choices out of a police line-up.
2) No time-traveling. I'd like to date Paul Newman, circa Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but that's against the rules. Everyone you date, you date right now. (ed. note- being a guy, I would substitute Ingrid Bergman or Julie Andrews here. Although, Paul Newman was hot)
3) It doesn't matter if you and your friends all have George Clooney as your Saturday night. This is bound to happen and it's fair within the rules of the game: having to cross check your schedule with your friends will add a level of difficulty to this game that you don't need. It's hard enough to decide whether So and So is a Tuesday or a Wednesday without having to make an Excel spreadsheet to make sure you're not stepping on your officemate's toes. You'll see.
4) You can't use, say, "the cast of Band of Brothers" as one night. One man or woman per night. Nice try, though. (ed. note- Umm...substitute 'cast of Band of Brothers' with, err...hmmm...the best I can do is 'cast of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants'...sorry)

Monday: Kelly Monaco. Alternate: Anne Hathaway
Pretty pretty girls starting off the week strong. Who's Kelly Monaco? She was on that show Dancing with the Stars? She's a soap actress (although I'm confused by her IMDB profile, because apparently, she's played two different characters on both Passions and General Hospital? How does that work?) She played very small roles as hotties in Idle Hands and Mumford. Oh, and she was a Playboy Playmate. Alternate Anne Hathaway was so cute in the Princess Diaries (shut up), and she has just the most wonderful smile.

Tuesday: Rachel Weisz. Alternate: Kate Beckinsale
This list contains a fair amount of foreigners, and common traits among them are an apparent intelligence, worldliness, grace, humility, and humor. Weisz is no exception. I've recently read a few interviews with her (probably because of Oscar buzz for the Constant Gardner), and she comes off as a down to earth girl who's a sponge for information. As a second, Kate Beckinsale can look good in leather and latex (Underworld) or period clothes (Cold Comfort Farm).

Wednesday: Missy Higgins. Alternate: Sarah McLachlan
Taking a little breather during the week, I choose two singers. Missy's an Aussie, so she's got the accent going for her. Talented, great voice, young, cute as hell. If she's too busy out on tour, having Sarah sing sweetly to me wouldn't be a terrible alternative. She could sing Pi and it would still sound good (and she'd be following in Kate Bush's footsteps).

Thursday: Jennifer Connelly. Alternate: Stacy Haiduk
Unfortunately, time-travel is verboten in this game, so I can't call up the Jennifer Connelly of the early 90's, back when she was more voluptuous in movies like The Rocketeer and Career Opportunities. But she's still gorgeous with those eyes that could cut through steel and melt the polar ice caps. The only eyes that surpass hers are the ones that belong to Stacy Haiduk. She's kept a low profile since her stint on Seaquest back in the early 90's, but still looks good, as evidenced by an appearance on CSI:Miami a few years back.

Friday: Kate Winslet. Alternate: Morena Baccarin
Friday night out, and we go with the spunky and bitingly witty Winslet and her womanly curves. Firefly's Morena "wonder woman?" Baccarin is a choice alternate companion.

Saturday: Irene Jacob. Alternate: Mandy Moore
Get dressed up, have a fancy dinner, perhaps do something cultural, and do it with the sublime Irene Jacob on my arm. She helped make the final chapter of the Three Colors trilogy, Red, one of my favorite movies of all time. She also made the Fugitive sequel, US Marshals, palatable; and never have I wanted to be Bill Pullman more than in Spy Game (the non-Brad Pitt/Robert Redford version), where he gets to romance Irene. Mandy Moore? Hot in a girl-next-door kinda way.

Sunday:Cate Blanchett. Alternate: Emma Thompson
Long lazy Sundays spent doing crosswords and reading while drinking tea, occasionally being snarky. Who better than an elvish queen? And if she's not available, Emma Thompson has lost none of her luster or her charm.

My backup bullpen consists of Olivia Williams, Alexa Davalos, Paget Brewster, Maura Tierney, Emily VanCamp (although she is a bit young), Natalie Portman, oh, and I just realized, I could have used "the cast of Farscape" in the example for Rule 4.

So, what have we learned from this exercise? Well, I seem to really like brunettes, and I prefer smart women who possibly come from England or Australia.

Now Listening To : Deb Talan- A Bird Flies Out
Random Thought : I also seem to like older women?

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